I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
