it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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