i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
