also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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