Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
