Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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