when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
