I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
