I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
