Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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