dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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