Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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