Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
