god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
