So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
