***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
