he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm at about main and main street
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
