I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
