yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
