Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
