They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
