i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
