I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
