He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
