I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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