I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
