she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize