Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
