My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
