I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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