dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
