Yo dont text me then not text me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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