So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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