never play flip cup with pint glasses
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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