dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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