did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
