1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
