actually, I'm a sock model
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
