Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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