i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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