Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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