There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
