Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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