the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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