new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
