I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
