Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
