Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
