And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
