The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
