I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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