I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
