there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
