I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
