At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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