goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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