I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
