what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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