Will you blow on my dice?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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