what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Text me some of your sweat
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