her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
