i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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