she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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