Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
