Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
