I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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